Guantanamo to move to Siberia

At their recent pow-wow in Kennebunkport, Bush and Putin discussed more than just Putin's proposal to use Soviet technology from the 1890s as part of Bush's new missile shield.

In Scribe Warrior's first mega-exclusive scoop we proudly report -- and you heard it here first! -- that in an attempt to sweeten the deal, Putin also offered Bush use of the entire Soviet-era gulag system. And Bush has accepted! As they shook hands on it, Bush told the Russian president, "The Gitmo prisoners have been complaining about the tropical heat and humidity. Well, this ought to shut them up."

Asked to comment, Michael Moore, speaking from his new home in France, said he has no immediate plans to travel to Siberia to seek medical treatment for ailing and neglected 911 rescue workers. But he wouldn't rule it out.

And in his first nod to global warming, Vice President Cheney scoffed at the Gitmo-to-Siberia plan, reportedly telling an aide, "With global temperatures on the rise, Siberia probably won't be cold enough."